Sunday, January 20, 2013

#4. Clothes, clothes, clothes!

My story: They say that we only have one body and to treat it well. The truth is that we have several bodies in our lives. My toddler body looked little like my adolescent body, and I do not carry even one cell that I did 7 years ago. I still have clothes that belonged to many of my different sized bodies, thinking that some day I will be able to wear them again.

In the “dungeon”, I have boxes of clothes are from a time that was so unhealthy.  I was going through a divorce, raising two young children and working for a company that was going under. I was devastated, so stressed out that I couldn’t eat. This resulted in losing a lot of weight in a short period of time. That was the closest that I have ever been to what many people in our society consider to be the most desirable weight. This was confirmed by the greetings I would get by friends that hadn’t seen me in a while, saying “you look great!” I remember thinking in return, “how can I look great when I feel the worst I have ever felt?” I was a red-hot mess, but received the most compliments on my appearance that I have ever gotten in my life.

As I began healing from that trauma, my weight adjusted to what was more normal for my frame size. I hung on to the clothes thinking that I could shed the weight someday in a more healthy fashion, and maybe also be complimented for being tiny again.

The truth: I will never be that small again unless I am terminally ill. In reality, I never, ever want to be that size again! I don’t want compliments for being frail, only for being a healthy, vibrant, unique, authentic me. Even if they were a realistic size, they are so outdated. For crying out loud, half of them have shoulder-pads. They have to go!

My action: I am ridding myself of every piece of clothing in this house that doesn’t fit, is outdated, doesn’t make me feel good, or that I have not worn for a year. It’s all going to a thrift store. 

Along with the clothes, I’m purging any negative thoughts that I have about my body because it does not resemble Barbie. Mine is far better, serves me very well, and is all mine! It will be another body some day, and I promise to welcome that one in with a more accepting and loving attitude.

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